Humor

A friend of mine, Chaim Stern, writes a weekly satire on Israeli current events, he combines the various items into one "news" story. This week he managed to combine the Rosh HaShana 50 million shekel lottery with the likud central committee meeting where Sharons mic was cut off.

ARIEL SHARON ANNOUNCES RETIREMENTAFTER WINNING 50 MILLION IN LOTTERY

Breaking news - Ariel Sharon calledan urgent press conference an hour agoto announce his retirement from politicsafter winning the 50 million shekel prize in Mifal Hapais' "Big Drawing".

At the press conference, he started to makethe announcement but paused after it becameapparent that his microphone wasn't working.After waiting several minutes for the technicalcrew to fix the problem, he finally lost patience,pulled the winning ticket out of his pocket,and held it up, shouting "I'm outta here !"

He then went on a spontaneous shopping spreeat the Mashbir's electronics department, where hebought a new 72-inch-flat-screen TV, and repeatedlyasked the confused salesmen why they don't sellwaterproof fuses.

In other news, the IDF Air Force dropped papersin Arabic to Gaza residents warning them that ifthey continue to launch Kassam rockets then theIDF Air Force will continue to drop papers on arab villages.



by freelance reporter C. Stern

Pallywood

I received this very interesting link from my cousin:

Did you know that some of the news that you see is STAGED?
Look at the Pallywood DVD Clip in the attached web site - you will be amazed!!!

Pallywood video.

SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS -
THEY WILL THANK YOU FOR IT!!!

Yet another excellent Mussar from Rabbi Brody

The Fateful Trial.

The Fateful Trial: Part 2 - Forgive and be forgiven

Today, 24 Elul, is the yahrtzeit of Rabbi Yisroel Meir Kagan, the famed "Chofetz Chaim" of blessed and saintly memory, a spiritual giant and one of Judaism's brightest shining lights. The Chofetz Chaim teaches that it is preferable for one to give up all earthly possessions - house, furniture, clothes, and money - rather than violate one commandment of Torah. The damage that one single sin does to a person's soul, in addition to the destruction that the sin causes in the spiritual world, dwarfs a material loss of even multi-million dollar proportions.

In light of the above, should we all start tearing our hair out? Who hasn't listened to a word of gossip all year long? Hearing or reading loshon hora (evil tongue, i.e. gossip and slander) involves the simultaneous violation of a dozen or more mitzvas; writing and speaking it is even worse. Making an unauthorized phone call from the office or factory involves gezel, tantamount to stealing, another serious violation. Who hasn't inadvertantly taken home a pencil or a few sheets of paper from the office? According to our sages, such a violation is serious enough to warrant an additional reincarnation (gilgul b'avon shaveh pruta).

What about the big transgressions, like a breach in family purity, breaking the Sabbath, or harboring hate in one's heart? When taking stock of a year's accumulated misdeeds, one may easily fall into despair, and say that Judaism is hopeless, G-d forbid, for who can possibly make Tshuva properly?

There are two ways to gain forgiveness of all our sins before the day of the fateful trial on Rosh Hashonna:

1. The long, hard way is to do some arduous soul-searching, while going down the entire list of all 613 commandments and writing down which commandments we slipped on. Then, for each transgression, we have to apply the four stages of tshuva - confession to Hashem, remorse, cessation of sin, and commitment to do better - for each and every transgression. For a person who doesn't spend at least an hour a day all year long in soul-searching and self-inventory, such complete Tshuva is a difficult, if not unachievable task.

2. The guaranteed short cut is presented to us by our Talmudic sages as a lifesaver from a harsh verdict. Rava says (tractate Rosh Hashonna, 17a), "One who forgives an affront is forgiven all of one's sins." This is a carte-blanche, signed check from our greatest sages (an identical idea can be found in the Zohar, see Midrash Ruth - Rav Kruspidei's speech), promising us that if we forgive those who insult as - whether accidentally or willfully - we shall be forgiven all our sins.

In light of the above, when Hashem arranges for someone to insult or humiliate us, especially in the month of Elul, it's like winning the Irish lottery. But, in order to cash in on the benefits, we must not lose our temper or harbor a grudge in any way. Nothing can cleanse and purify the soul so fast like a juicy insult. The bigger the embarrassment, the better the absolution.

The wonderful thing about verbal abuse, insult, and embarrassment is that Hashem uses them as a substitute for the harshest punishments imaginable, such as death and poverty. Why? The Gemorra says that suffering verbal abuse is tantamount to suffering death. Forgiving a person that attacks our dignity is no easy task.

When a person transgresses, G-d forbid, he or she is sinning against Hashem. As I've mentioned several times previously, Hashem governs the world according to the ATFAT principle (a turn for a turn - see Chapter Six of The Trail to Tranquility); therefore, if one is willing to forgive those who sin against him/her, Hashem is more than willing to forgive that person's sins against Him. The mathematics are simple - forgive and be forgiven.

Don't be silly enough to think that you're doing a friend or a loved one a favor by insulting them. Verbal abuse, insult, and embarrassment are very very serious crimes, that not even Tshuva can cleanse, unless one first begs forgiveness from the victim.

It pays to forgive.

Vilna Gaon in Even Shleimah: Bitachon & Histapchut 2

Vilna Gaon in Even Shleimah(Chapter 3 pt. 2)

All sins and transgressions stem from acquisitive desire (the desire for material gain) {1}. On the other hand, contentment - Histapchut, which is the foundation for keeping the whole Torah, means to faithfully believe that there is no need to worry about what tomorrow will bring {2}. The man who is steadfast in his confidence in G-D, even though he commits severe sins, is better than the man who is insecure (one who lacks Bitachon). For as a result of his insecurity, the latter comes to jealousy and hatred, {3} despite the fact that he studies Torah and helps others - which he does solely to acquire a good name.

{1} Pesikta Rabati 22:9 30:5

{2} This is only possible if a person is content and happy with what he has, thanking G-D for all, and therefore has no reason to worry.

{3} The man who feels secure has no reason to be jealous, for he believes that what others have in no way limits what G-D gives him.

The Brightness of the sun in Olam-Habah

Pessachim 2a

 

Rashi:  In the future (for the Tzadikim) the brightness of the sun at Alot HaShachar will be as bright as the sun is now at Neitz Hachamah.

 

Tosfot:  In the future (for the Tzadikim) the brightness of the sun at Alot HaShachar will be as bright as the sun is now at noon.

Vilna Gaon in Even Shleimah: Bitachon & Histapchut

Vilna Gaon in Even Shleimah
(Beginning of chapter 3)

The importance of Bitachon and Histapchut

"Bitachon (trust in HaShem) and Histapchut (contentment) form a framework for all good traits and character. They are the opposite of lust and acquisitive desire. The most essential of all is Bitachon. One who lacks this feeling will not retain the Torah he has learned."

Chofetz Chaim on Parnasah

This posted by A Simple Jew:

http://asimplejew.blogspot.com/

 

Adding Spigots
Imagine a barrel of wine that has one spigot, and thus only allows a limited flow. If one were to add more spigots, it would not increase the total amount of wine contained in the barrel. Rather, it would merely serve to let the existing wine pour faster. There is nothing one can do to add to the wine in the barrel.

The same is true regarding one's livelihood. Perhaps a person thinks he can increase his income by working longer hours. In reality, however, all he will "accomplish" by this is to decrease his spiritual merits, for by increasing his working hours he will automatically decrease the amount of time he devotes to spiritual pursuits. He will lessen the amount of time he devotes to Torah study, speed up his davening, or forgo davening with a minyan. As for the apparent increase in wealth that he perceives, it is actually an illusion. Hashem will see to it that he will lose all to an expenditure that would not have incurred otherwise, such as a doctor's bill or repair of property damage, or worst of all - that he received this increase at the expense of his portion in the World to Come.

(Chofetz Chaim)

Yesh Gvul to "Yesh Gvul"

How low can "Yesh Gvul" of the Eirev-Rav sink.

http://www.israelnn.com/news.php3?id=89765

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3141430,00.html

I have never expected much from these creatures, but even I was shocked by this!!!!

Perhaps this will trigger snow ball effect in Kiruv in the "center left" in Israel. (One can always dream)